Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
