i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
