I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
