wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
