So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
