I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
