with your own penis?
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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