Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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