That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
