Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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