sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
