I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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