I think i peed on brittanys purse
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
