i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
