By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
