the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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