Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
