Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
