Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize