I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
