probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize