come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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