took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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