I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
