You're so nebulous sometimes
True but thats because hes a fetus.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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