Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
