I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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