Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
