im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
