Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
