I got chris browned last night
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
