I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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