If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
