Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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