The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
