i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize