There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
