Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
