Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
