yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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