As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
