Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
