guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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