I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
