he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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