drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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