New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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