It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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