My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
