do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize