I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
