I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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