I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
