I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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