wrigley field is MILF paradise
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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