dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
