When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
