after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize