Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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