there was a trapeze. enough said
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
