On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
