we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
