She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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