you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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