It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Green mimosas i think yes
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
