youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
