is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
