So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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