My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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