If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
