My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
