found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
