Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
