a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
